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14F Roundup

Dating at Dartmouth: The Blind Leading the Blind

I must have reached adulthood because this summer my parents began talking about their retirement. “We won’t have to worry about being in a home,” they explained to my siblings and me. “Grace and her cats will just live with us!” Some background: my brother has had some sort of girlfriend for the past two years, my sister the same way since middle school. Me? My family likes to joke about my imaginary boyfriend “Steve.” I am quite literally the seventh wheel any time my family gets together. This is all to say that I am exceptionally qualified to write an article on dating, relationships and “whatever it is the kids are calling it.” We live in what, in my opinion, is the most confusing time ever to be seeking romance/relationships/whatever. I can’t even define what it is people are looking for anymore. The other day my friend told me, “We hooked up last night, but, like, do you think he likes me?” Me: Um. Or my personal favorite: “We’ve been hooking up for three months, but I don’t want to label it.” Uhh, you don’t want to label it because there is no label for the strange string of events… Read more »

Should You Streak A Final?

No one can dispute that Dartmouth is a little crazy when it comes to traditions — especially those that require any public display of nudity. Seriously, it’s like we come up with traditions (the Ledyard Challenge and Blue Light Challenge, for example) and then throw in a final streaking clause. Let’s face it — we love being naked.

So naturally, the biggest question Dartmouth students face around this time of the term is: should I streak a final?

If you are anything like me and showered in a bathing suit until you were 10, then this challenge probably isn’t for you. But keep in mind that streaking is never really acceptable after you graduate. So, if you want to relieve some stress during finals, put on your birthday suit and take a quick trip through FFB. The 60-year old you will thank you for it.​

Bizarre Gendered Products

DB Bronut

There are few things in this mortal life that I have ever been undoubtedly certain about, but if there’s one thing I know to be true without a shadow of a doubt it’s that 2014 is a wild time to be alive. When I asked the woman who lives in the alley behind CVS for astrological advice, as I often do, she told me it was because Mars ended retrograde and the moons of Jupiter exist. Not only are there women in several of my university classes, but many of them are also unmarried and interested in pursuing careers of their own after graduation. That I can handle. But now I hear talk that men are starting to cook their own dinners and no longer fight to the death before a roaring crowd to prove their masculinity. While the definitions of gender roles may be in a state of flux, we’re lucky that several companies have made it their mission to remind us that some things like chapstick and snack food are anything but a spectrum. The Bronut: “Hey bro, can I lick a little of that icing of your bronut real quick?” BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen: Finally… Read more »

Finals Procrastination: A Professional’s Guide

llbean boyfriend

I am a hoarder.  I do not hoard old magazines or cats (although that may be on my horizon), but rather links. This article is a shameful admission to how much time I spend on the Internet.  Luckily, you don’t need to spend endless hours spiraling out of control on the interwebs clicking on link after link to find that perfect one to send to your friends, because you have me. People often ask, “How do you find such weird and useless links, Grace?” My only reply: “It’s a gift, and a curse. But mostly a curse to be completely honest.” Hopefully everyone is off to a great start with studying for finals/finally getting around to reading the syllabus. Get ready for lonely Novack dinners, tears in the stacks, losing motivation and preparing for the worst.  Study breaks are important, especially with a list of links as amazing as this: 1. lolmythesis.com 2. savingroomforcats.tumblr.com This website has everything: passive aggression AND cats.  This blog reveals why men take up so much space on subways when they spread their legs — they are saving room for cats! 3. Nowitsafuckingfroyoplace.tumblr.com I worked at an ice cream store in high school (which has possibly the funniest… Read more »

The Ultimate Guide to Formal Dates

GRACE MILLER / THE DARTMOUTH STAFF

SOS please forward all potential formal dates to [email protected]  It is formal season.  Unfortunately this does not mean we get to dress up in camouflage, drink lots of beer and shoot at anything that says the word “formal.” Although, I think using a water gun to spray anyone who asks if I have found a date would make me feel significantly better. In case you haven’t noticed, I still haven’t gotten over the anxiety of prom asks. How in to prom asks were people in my hometown, you may ask? A plane spelling out “prom?” in the sky, a serenade in front of the entire school and hiring five guys to rip off their shirts and spell “P-R-O-M-?” on their chests are just a few examples.  My date asked me like so: This is all a disclaimer to say that I am nowhere near qualified to be giving advice about how to get a formal date, yet as always I will proceed. Where to look for a date Your significant other: If you have a significant other and are reading this article you are the worst kind of person. Stop rubbing your love in my face and just ask them…. Read more »