Donald Trump has come to Dartmouth. He has come, and he will #MakeDartmouthGreatAgain. Dartbeat gained exclusive access to his Dartmouth-specific Twitter account, and you bet your ass we took screenshots:
It is the
best of times worst of times. As week nine rolls around, I think we can all agree that things are grim at best. As I write this post in the periodicals on a Saturday night, I’m realizing that there are way too many people in here with me, which is indicative of a few things: 1) Finals are coming, 2) I’m not the only one who hasn’t started that huge final paper due next week and 3) We are all screwed. Misery likes company, right?
Few things suck worse than pulling all-nighters (and subsequently sleeping through a final exam), but breaking even on DBA takes the cake. There are two kinds of people at Dartmouth — the people who end the term with negative DBA, and the people who leave with hundreds of dollars still left over. Come week ten, it’s nearly impossible to have hit that DBA sweet spot.
When someone says “graphs,” the first thing that comes to mind is probably plotting lab results and analyzing Econ trends for class. Let’s be honest, the only graph at Dartmouth that actually relates to your own life is the Dartmouth X. But there are so many other important aspects of Dartmouth culture that deserve to be plotted, and fortunately, Dartbeat has come up with a few graphs of our own:
A ballad from a NARP to their non-NARP significant other to the tune of Adele’s “Hello.” (Note that I don’t actually have an athlete boyfriend.) (Allow me the delusion, please.)
Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these weeks you’d like to eat
And go over everything
They say that Foco’s good for facetime
But yours I’m barely seeing
Hello, can you hear me
I’m in the omelet line just dreamin’ about who we used to be
When you weren’t in season, so free
I’ve forgotten how it felt to date a DP2 athlete
There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles
Foco has and always will be a Dartmouth dining enigma. Every time I walk out of Foco, I somehow leave more confused than I was walking in: Why is the froyo machine still broken? What exactly is in the vegan pizza? But the strangest of Foco offerings—the Foco “superfoods”—go largely unnoticed by most meal-swiping students (Hey, 19s!). Most believe that these superfoods, located right above the salad dressings, have amazing nutritional benefits. But how do they taste? This week, Dartbeat took to the test to find out:
Picture this: It is a fine Tuesday evening. You have just returned from a two-hour workout at the gym. You feast your eyes on a delightful quinoa spinach tofu salad from Collis and a steaming cup of antioxidant-packed tea. While snacking on your holistic protein supplement, however, you suddenly realize that you accidentally finished all your homework the night before. The horror! In a tizzy you look around your room: Your laundry is done, your bed is made, your shelves have been de-cluttered. A single tear rolls down your cheek. You feel lost and devoid of purpose.