With the passing of Halloween and the arrival of November, we find ourselves reflecting on this past weekend. With all this spandex going on, it only makes sense that we ask ourselves “If each Ivy dressed up for Halloween, what superhero would they have been?”
Why? Because Harvard was the only Ivy that my Italian host mother had ever heard of. It only makes sense that they would dress as the prototypical superhero.
(At press time, I was still unable to confirm whether or not Doriana knew of Superman.)
Princeton: Iron Man
Why? Because Iron Man is by far my favorite superhero, and Princeton was, yeah, yeah, number one on the U.S. News and World Report rankings this year.
Bonus, Iron Man is one of few superheroes that doesn’t actually have any real powers, and just gets them through money and connections. Oops.
Why? Spider-Man’s domain is New York City too, and he’s also the only superhero who went through an angsty hipster stage.
But also this.
Cornell: I was going to say Robin…
But the cool Robin played by Joseph Gordon Levitt in the recent series. Not old Robin.
But then I remembered that Cornell is the only Ivy with a falconry program, and that definitely makes them Batman.
Fly, my pretties.
Yale: Captain America
Why? Because Captain America is cool. Yale is cool. Both were established based on sort-of archaic value sets and are applying them haphazardly to a modern world they find themselves increasingly perplexed by.
Brown: The Human Torch
Why? Because he’s the only superhero I could think of that would participate in a tradition like Brown’s Naked Donut Run, in which students walk naked through the library during reading period and hand out donuts. Also because I would not mind seeing Chris Evans do this.
Why? Because Hawkeye was weirdly absent for like 85 percent of the Avengers movie, and then came back on screen and started shooting things and maybe having a romantic subplot, and we all got a little confused. But at the same time, his aim is crazy good, and I’m sure he could shoot straight through the O in his Wharton degree and slyly unbuckle the clasp on his Wall Street briefcase, all at the same time.
Dartmouth: Mr. Incredible
Why? Because Dartmouth is about family. And also because we all know that if Mr. Incredible sneezed, HuffPost would be all up in his business.