Despite the fact that there is no snow and that temperatures last week seemed more like late April than early February, Winter Carnival is upon us. And yes, while it is nice being able to walk outside without having the air hurt your face, you’re probably still concerned about Winter Carnival and how it’s even going to be a thing in this ridiculous weather. Luckily, you have Google for that:
It’s safe to say that Dartmouth is obsessed with Dr. Seuss. Also known as Theodor Geisel, the famous Dartmouth alum left a massive footprint behind when he graduated in 1925. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that he put on sharp, spiked shoes, stomped around, and even jumped up and down. Freshmen eat green eggs and ham at the Lodge during trips, training us to learn Dr. Seuss’ Dartmouth connection before we even move into our dorms. What’s more, the Dartmouth Co-op sells “Thing 1” and “Thing 2 costumes” for infants, Baker Library has a whole room devoted to the guy, and, oh right, someone named the entire medical school after him. This year’s winter carnival theme is “Seuss On The Loose,” but it is far from the first time we have honored our beloved alum. Check out these Winter Carnival themes of the past that further salute Dr. Seuss.
When people think about what there is to look forward to during winter term, the list usually begins and ends with Winter Carnival. As it so happens, Dartmouth offers a lot of winter specific activities that any zealous student can, and should, take advantage of. Continue reading
It’s 6 degrees. It’s 60 degrees. It’s 6 degrees again. You know Hanover weather, and by now you’ve probably settled into a truly Dartmouthian holding pattern of perpetual uncertainty. Maybe you wear ten layers. Maybe you spent winterim training to withstand the physical and emotional pain of your nose hairs freezing together. Or maybe you avoid the problem entirely, accepting the reality of never again seeing a human face. Either way, it will happen: you will eventually slip on the ice.
From ShaveBennett to Braden Pellowski ’18’s attempt to finance his legal fees from touching the Homecoming bonfire, GoFundMe campaigns have been popping up all over campus. It got me to thinking —what will people try to crowdsource next?
Greenprint — You would think that for $60,000 a year we would have access to a functional printing system. Chaos ensued earlier this term when there was a system-wide meltdown, and I personally had had it when my own account was disabled. I didn’t even know that was a thing… why would the system target students and disband their accounts?
Resurface the area between FoCo and Robo — It would appear that the construction between Robo and FoCo is coming to a close. (For now. Anyone around during 13X will remember a suspiciously similar and equally disruptive project in the EXACT SAME LOCATION). This time, however, I think they made a mistake on the tiling. With some new funds, maybe they’ll be able to get that walkway straight.
Parking fines — Whether it’s on campus or in Hanover, these fines can add up. Citations from the College will subsequently get more expensive (all the prohibited parking zones are just a blocker on our mobility out of Hanover), and the town multiplies the fine the longer you hold out on paying it off. Wait long enough, and that $10 ticket you forgot about turns into a monstrosity.
Greek system — keep or abolish? — Perhaps the College’s biggest motivation for preserving the Greek System is the desire not to alienate wealthy affiliated alumni. Maybe they should put this to the test by making two separate GoFundMes and see which one raises the most money. Because the more money you have, the more your opinion counts, right?
A real winter jacket — Somehow I’ve made it through college with only the jacket pictured below. Puffy, yes. Hood and below-the-hip coverage, no. Maybe I can raise $800 and upgrade to the ubiquitous Canada Goose.
Return of the party packs — Yes, $30,000 was a bit much to spend every year on bread and water, but every freshman should have the opportunity to gain the freshman 15 the same way I did.
Diversions — If you can somehow convince the public that this one was not your fault, you can crowdsource the financing of your wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time behavior (or poor choices, depends on how you look at it). Maybe if we had party packs there would be fewer Diversions instances.
Kickstarter for a valet service — Entrepreneurial ’17s and ’18s, listen up! Next time someone wants to start a full-size rental bed company, they should rethink their plan and start a valet service from A-Lot instead. My twice weekly mile-and-a-half round trip journeys to A-Lot have given me plenty of time to contemplate how the College maroons innocent bystanders in this tundric hell by placing the student parking lot so far away that only the few privileged enough to have readily accessible parking spots can escape.
Once upon a time in ancient Greece, citizens competed in running, boxing and javelin-throwing events to demonstrate their devotion to Zeus. Some would say that we’ve come a long way since then, with our electronic stopwatches and 24/7 television coverage of the Olympic Games. I would argue, however, that the biggest win in the evolution of the Olympics is that we’ve come up with a completely better version of them — the Winter Olympics.
Every four years we are blessed with the chance to watch the seemingly fearless athletes of the world fly through the air strapped to a piece of wood or shoot down an icy slide at terrifying speeds.
Notwithstanding the fact that Sochi seems to be piping polluted water through their faucets (among a slew of other issues), the Winter Olympics is a badass combination of guts, glory and snow.
- Freestyle skiing
The fact that this is even an event is unreal. I’d like to see any summer athlete speed through moguls only to pull an aerial trick and then continue banging through more moguls. Check it out.
Which brings me to…
- The U.S. ski team
Not only are they incredibly talented, they are pretty easy on the eyes. No seriously, look at them.
- And on a similar note, our snowboarders are looking pretty sweet.
There’s even a Buzzfeed post called “23 Reasons Why Greg Bretz Should Be Your Valentine This Year.” Good luck ladies.
Need I remind you of the speech from “Miracle” (2004)? Seriously people – “Great moments are born from great opportunity.”
- Sochi puns
Curling and Russian history jokes are running rampant on Twitter, with snippets like, “What I learned from the Olympics: In sports, you get out what you Putin,” or, “With the Olympics going on I’m making a concerted effort to make as many country related puns as possible. I should start a Czech list.”
— Darius J. Nolan (@da_nolan) February 11, 2014
- The U.S. team sweaters
I’m not sure if this was an intentional joke or not, but these uniforms are hilariously amazing. You can’t deny that this would be the ultimate flair for tacky sweater tails.
- Sochi’s Olympic program also won with the Russian Police Choir performing Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky” at the Opening Ceremony:
Even if you can’t get behind this rendition, you have to at least give them an A for effort (and for their outfits).